hai, assalamualaikum. how's life? everything good? well, for me, sincerely, i just think that i lost my track. i mean my life as a student. i really don't know what happen, but i can't find the old me. the one that have passion in study and love to explore new things. 

i wish i can find the old me. i really wish to have a friend like i used to. i wish, i really wish. 

bila org tgk jia, org nampak jia happy. org nampak jia gelak banyak. ya, jia memang mudah terhibur. tapi ada sebab kenapa jia mudah terhibur. sebab jia malas nak layan perasaan sedih yang useless tu. jia x nak disebabkan mood jia, nanti akan kacau mood orang lain. dulu jia ok ja dalam handle mood ni. i can hide my feelings well. but now, since degree, all of that had gone. where the heck did you go? hahahaha. jia perasan, sejak masuk degree, jia lain sangat sangat sangat... 

jia cepat stress, jia cepat marah, jia moody selalu. jia kurang sosial. the biggest thing that i noticed is, jia selalu ponteng kelas. jadual makan lagi la. kelaut weyh. selalu kena bising dengan kawan-kawan sebab lupa nak makan. common sense pon x dak. jia kurang fikirkan perasaan orang. especially my friends and my roommate. i do noticed that things. ntah la, nak kata kurang perhatian, oh my god, my friends had put so much efforts to pay attention and take a good care of me. what else i want for them? they also have their own life. they need to be happy too. 

entah sejak bila, jia x nak dean list. in other words, i will put effort in study, but not to gain dean list. dean list without heart, what does it means. during diploma, i never dream on achieving the awards, but i really happy to achieve it because the memories that i got are much priceless than the award. friends, support and love that i gain, are much more important than the award. frankly speaking, i never embrace the award. my family also did not embrace it as for them, the experience and the memories that i gain are much more important than the award. i've been taught like that since i was small. 

mama dengan abah selalu pesan, 

i don't know what to do now. i really hope i can, at least, find the track in studying again. i am me whenever i'm with my family. but i don't who i am when i am at the campus. i hope my friends can treat me like they used to. support who i am. support me in becoming a better person. support me in seeking the right path in Islam. i know, all of them are struggling too, that is why i have to find it on my own. i'm glad that my new classmate are really supporting. sometimes, i even feel that they understand me more than ever. they are sincerely accept me no matter who i am. i can't judge their kindness quickly, because people change. but as for now. i am happy to have them as my friends. 

i can't stand watching people i love upset. i really don't mind if someone make me upset, i will not hold a grudge with them, but i can't hold myself when they make my friends upset and i will, sincerely i said, i will hold grudge against you. i want to make sure that my friends are happy. when they happy, i will be the happiest person in this whole life. i will sacrifice everything to make my family and also my friends happy. because i believe, i am nothing without them. 

find your identity back. bring back your passion and do what you love.

study. extreme sports. make people happy. make new friends.